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My conscience is clean.

I never used it.

3/24/10 04:15 pm

I have won some kind of contest and my parents wanted me to write to our local newspaper and ask them to write an article.
I argued that it's a tiny bit conceited to say "Hey, I'm interesting, write about me!" Like a little child wanting to be in the newspaper. I said I would never push myself to the fore that way and that that kind of behaviour was disgusting in my opinion. In the end I told my parents they only wanted to show off with me anyway.
Late at night, my mom comes into my room. "You know... you're right. I only want to show off with you."

So, I wrote the paper today. How could I not? :)

3/15/10 06:17 pm

Usually I'd say that you can always express yourself better in your own words, but in this case, the Beatles are close enough to quote:

Although I laugh
and I act like a clown
beneath this mask
I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling
like rain from the sky
Is it for her or myself
that I cry?

I'm a loser
and I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
and I'm not what I appear to be

1/26/10 07:01 pm - My farewell orgy

In the beginning of the night, I had fun and whiskey.
In the end of the night, I had made out with each of the 5 other people present. And a good deal more.
I'd always thought that threesomes and all that would never happen to me... hah. In real life and all. Still haven't decided whether it was horrible or great - "strange" is the only word that comes to my mind so far. I think it'd have been great with other people. After my roommate and her boyfriend suddenly decided it was too much for them, they disappeared to my room to have their own fun and left me to be molested by three men: the son of a famous singer, a guy whose wedding I had attended two weeks before, and the only guy in the whole bunch I as much as liked.

Bosnia, how great you are... from afar. It's nice to be home where your mother thinks you're still sweet and innocent :)

1/8/10 09:46 am - The guys in my life

Guy one.
Tries to give me a cigarette.
„No, thanks.“
„Oh come on, try it.“
„No.“
„Please?“
„No.“
„Come on. For me.“
„Well, then especially no.“
„I like you.“
And dumps his freshly lit cigarette in the ashtray to kiss me.

He examines a bracelet someone here bought me. It says „100% Bosnian“.
„100% Bosanka, uh-huh.“ He's mad.
„Yes. Why, what's wrong with it?“
„Nothing. It's just not true.“
„I know it's not. It's just a joke.“
„It's not. Why should you say you're Bosnian? I like you because you're not. Don't make yourself something stupid.“



Guy Two. Online chat.

„Hey, are you a virgin btw?“
„No.“
„Well, I wouldn't care either way. It's just that it would mean more „work“ for me.“
Wow, now I feel special.


He invites me to a party. I thank him but I say that I'll come home that very night after half a year abroad and that I might, for one thing, be tired and for another would like to spend that night with my family. „So I don't know if I will come.“
„Well, whatever. Do what the fuck you want. It's an invitation, not a plea.“
Thank you so much for caring.

12/23/09 01:47 pm - What cold can do.

When the kitchen is the only warm place in the house, and you spend all day there together with your flatmate, the cold affects your privacy.
When you lie awake at night because it is too cold to sleep, the cold affects your energy level over the day.
When the bathroom door and window are crusted with ice on the inside and you want to spend as little time in there as humanly possible, the cold affects your personal hygiene.
When your lips get chapped and your face breaks out in zits, the cold affects your self-esteem.
When the internet cable freezes, the cold affects your contact to the outside world.
When the pipes freeze and you have no running water in the kitchen and wash dishes in the shower, the cold affects your general level of amusement.
When you need gloves to vacuum because the metal handle of the vacuum cleaner makes your fingers stick to it with cold, the cold affects the cleanliness of your flat.

Negative twenty degrees outside, about five degrees in our kitchen in the morning.
BUT my loneliness is cured, I have a date tonight :)

12/17/09 07:50 pm - Bože moje...

I found my boss's porn on my working laptop. I'm both amused and disappointed. Oh come on, you keep your stuff in your personal PC or on USB or something, not on a laptop that you give to volunteers. And you name the folder something other than "personal data". It makes people look. Name it "finances". Or "stuff". Or, like my wise friend, "have fun playing", which actually makes people look, too, but is at least a bit original.
From now on I will be much calmer in an argument with him =)

12/1/09 04:25 pm

Four girls and three guys start an evening with weed and nature shows.
One girl falls asleep.
One girl and one guy go to one room.
One girl and one guy go to another room.
The last girl and the last guy have nice conversations for an hour, then he sleeps on the couch and I sleep in a bed.

Folks, I fail at life.

11/24/09 01:06 pm - Only in the Balkans...

...they can have brand names like:
Barfy
Kum
Wudy
Slap
Kviki

And those are just the ones for food.
Either someone didn't speak any English at all, or someone spoke English very well and pulled a sophisticated joke on, um, their monolingual compatriots :D

10/27/09 09:30 am - Do you know those days when...

...there is a spider in your boot and a stray cat in the office, when your laundry from three days ago still hasn't dried completely but you wear it anyway, when you have just ended any relationship with your best friend of 12 years, when the cookies in the kitchen have gotten soft, when your flatmate is sick and needs nursing, when you go outside in the drizzling rain to get firewood and you twist your ankle, when you get your period, when the bathroom is icey cold – and still you are happy as a kitten and you just can't explain it?
That your day sucks and you are still in a good mood?
Or does that only happen to me?

9/28/09 06:25 pm - I spent...

...my 14th birthday in Finland.
...my 15th birthday in Spain.
...my 16th birthday in Spain.
...my 17th birthday in Texas.
...my 18th birthday in Germany, with my family.
...my 19th birthday in Germany, with my family.
...my 20th birthday in Bosnia-Hercegovina.

Considering that, my conversation with my 60-year-old, extremely loveable landlady today was downright comical.

Ljilja: Honey, aren't you sad to be so far away from your family?
me: Uh. No, it's fine, actually. I chose to be here.
Ljilja: But Honey, it's your birthday!
me: Yes, I know.
Ljilja: But aren't you sad?
me: No, I'm not. Birthdays aren't all that important to me.
Ljilja: What? How can birthdays not be important? You are young! You should celebrate them!
me: I feel as though I celebrate every day of my life.
Ljilja: But, aren't you sad to be away from your family on this day?
me: ....*sighs* Yes. Very sad.
Ljilja: Aw, poor girl. You know, you shouldn't be sad on your birthday!

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